Topic: just looking for some experienced advice (Read 832 times)
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just looking for some experienced advice « Thread Started on Sept 21, 2006, 2:18pm »
some days I wake up and the grass is grassier, and the clouds are fluffier. other days I wake up and it's like I'm alone, in the dark, hiding from demons that come for my soul. they might be over in the closet, they might be underneath my bed, they might be just outside my window, or maybe just inside my head. I'm 21 years old and I've been snorting cocaine since I was 16. The longest I've ever gone without it is about 4 months. I stopped using it about a year ago, mainly because my "partner in crime" and i moved apart, so it's like there was no reason to do it. then i found, very quickly, that i still wanted it. we ended up moving in together after a few months of separation, and she wanted nothing to do with drugs, so it was easy for me to not think about it. things didn't work out so well, and i ended up leaving in january, and i immediately went back to snorting coke again. I've disconnected myself from everyone i know and it still finds me. almost like it's laughing in my face and haunting me. I have realized that i am not strong enough to say no, but it has become such an internal struggle for me that nobody is even aware of. people comment on how thin i am, and a lot of people i used to know don't recognize me anymore. i'm about 5'2", a year and a half ago i weighed 120, today i weigh 90. or sometimes they comment how tired i look. but my family is so proud of me right now, because they think i have finally cleaned up my act. i can't stand the thought of putting my mother through what i put her through last year, but this battle is turning into a losing one that i do not want to be engaged in any longer. if anyone has any sort of advice, or any realizations they came to that made it feel ok for them to stop, i'd be greatly appreciative.
Re: just looking for some experienced advice « Reply #1 on Sept 25, 2006, 9:44pm »
It is easy fr people to comment on how you have changed so much but it is hard for them to help and thats all you need is help some support that you are making the right decision. I am not sure about your circumstances but if you have someone like your mother who can support you maybe you could ask her for some support! A little encouraging and reminder of how well you are doing can help that one day. Take every day one step at a time. Just try to get through the first hour then the second etc. Before you know it, it will be the end of the day and you can congratulate yourself with something for making it through the entire day!
Re: just looking for some experienced advice « Reply #2 on Sept 30, 2006, 1:32pm »
that's the problem....i don't have a support system. i have an older sister, who sometimes congratulates me for "doing better" but 1. i rarely talk to her, and 2. it makes me feel like crap because i know i'm not doing any better. my mom just stresses me out....she doesn't know how to deal with me. at all. whatever. i'll figure it out , thanks for the reply.
Re: just looking for some experienced advice « Reply #3 on Oct 7, 2007, 8:39am »
The main key to release of addiction problems is attitude and practice you need peace of soul to defeat desire completely.
try this :
1. Control of desire .... exchange cocaine for food.
2. Exchange anxiety about your bodily for desires of anxiety about your soul..... (what is it worth to gain the world but lose your soul)
3. And do Gods will .... if you put God first you will never come second .... have faith in Gods grace (ability) through Jesus who was both God and Man and you will recover.
Re: just looking for some experienced advice « Reply #4 on Feb 21, 2008, 7:11pm »
Please dont loose hope it will become easier with time before you give in again go to any councilling service or priest etc you can find a Dr will be able to help if you are really trying also dont give in dead is for ever and Im sad tosay that is were drug use leads you . Have hope get help write a journal and read it every day and you will have proof of the possitive moves to look back on I have faith in you so now you have faith in yourself
Re: just looking for some experienced advice « Reply #5 on Oct 22, 2009, 1:32pm »
ok. well. I have a support system i can't use. maybe it's the same for you. ie: your mother would try to help if A) she knew how B) she knew at all and C)because she loves you. now I am sure letter C is right. if she is worried about you, it means she loves you. and the reason you don't have her support is because you won't let her, you are too afraid of hurting her again, of hurting your family again and too afraid of not being able to stop. On the other hand it could just be that the reason you have not looked to your family for support is because you are too afraid of hurting yourself again, of facing and conquering the denial that you have grown to accept. my advice is as follows....and this comes from someone who thought her parents never loved her, never cared, and was proven wrong. A) face yourself first. ask what is more important to you in life: drugs, or family. yes drugs make everything better for the short term, but in the long term it is soooo much more worth it to hang in there and fight. B) TALK to someone who you know cares. doesn't have to be family. but does have to be someone not involved in the same drugs or environment as you. and yes, there is always someone who cares, as much as you try and kid yourself that there isn't. C) two things: 1: if you really cant talk to anyone who you think cares, then talk to someone who cares about the people that you care about. 2: once you have have done that. then you are on your way baby! get into a rehab program or just ask your family and friends to monitor you and prevent you from doing things that are destructive. get grounded if you have to. sometimes solitude is good for the soul. talk out any issues you have. not blaming anyone. this is your excuse time. you can say what you like until you feel better again. because people are more willing to forgive you than you could ever imagine. most of the people that care about you want you to be happy. do just be selfish and do what ever it takes to be truly happy for the long term. think in the big picture.
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